Showing posts with label Ozarkers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ozarkers. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO DIDN'T LIKE MERLE HAGGARD?


I found out something this week. I must be the only person on the planet who didn't like Merle Haggard's music. Facebook has bombarded me with Merle Haggard tributes and I quickly scrolled past them thinking, "Why did you like him?"

I can remember hearing his songs as a kid on the radio and disliking them. He always sounded like some cranky old coot that would get ahead of you at the barber shop. Everyone would be forced to hear this loud-mouthed moron rant and rave about college students partying, teenagers with long hair playing rock music too loud, little kids watching cartoons on Saturday morning, instead of doing chores. Even I as a child, I knew I was intellectually superior to those old, white guys.

Likewise, Merle seemed to be against a lot of stuff: cities, The Beatles, long haired men wearing beads and Roman sandals, pacifist, people on welfare, people eating popcorn at Christmas time and Utopian governments that hand out complimentary, carbonated soft drinks to their citizens. Instead of "Mighty" Merle, he should have been "Cranky Negativity" Merle.  

Granted, I can understand I those old, cranky, white guys liking Merle Haggard's music, but why did my former classmates from Lebanon R-3 Schools like him?  I think it is a symptom of the problem of growing up in the Ozarks that I have talked written about before on this blog and the old blog, they were conditioned to like his music by the old, cranky, white people in charge. They were conditioned to think like the old, cranky, white people in charge.

I tried to tell them in back as far as junior high school, "YOU ARE TEENAGERS! YOU SHOULDN'T LIKE THIS CRAP! IT HAS FIDDLES AND DOBROS IN IT! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH SYNTHESIZERS AND FUZZTONE GUITAR BY BRITISH GUYS WITH MAKEUP AND BLEACHED, SPIKED HAIR OR GUYS FROM CALIFORNIA WITH LOG HAIR IN LEATHER PANTS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE THEY WANT YOU TO LIKE THAT MUSIC! THEY WANT YOU TO CONFORM AND BE LIKE THEM!" Sadly, they never listened. Now they are bitter mean-spirited adults, posting memes about the pleasures of being beaten with a belt by their fathers or how they don't think every kid should be given an award in sports.  

There is only one song Merle Haggard I ever liked. He recorded a theme song for a mid-70s TV show called Movin' On, staring Claude Akins and Frank Converse as truck drivers named Will & Sonny. I remember my family enjoyed watching this program, which is sadly not on DVD. The theme song had a longer life on country radio stations playlist than TV show did (only two seasons).

Here are the opening credits with an abbreviated version on the song.





Wednesday, December 16, 2015

CHRISTMAS IN THE OZARKS IS NEVER FUN

Dear Santa: Can I have her under my tree?

I know, I know. You are going to say, "Here we go again! Another blog post from Desdinova about how living in the Ozarks is horrible." Folks, I only want what is best for the kids, because I didn't have much fun as a kid.

Some of you may remember a post from last year about some people who complained on a local TV stations Facebook and website about how the girls in one of the high school's marching bands were dressed. They were wearing "Santa's Little Helper" outfits, like the lovely lady above is wearing. The more I think about it, the more I got to thinking about how we don't do Christmas right in the Ozarks. It isn't fun. I'll give reasons it is not fun later in the post (For one thing not enough sex & nudity, but that is for Christmas as a holiday in general).

First, I'll give an example from my childhood of this very problem. When I was a child, in the late 70s & early 80s, my sister lived in western Oklahoma. She and her husband owned two shoes stores. We would visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The day after Thanksgiving, we would go to the stores in those towns for their big "Kick Off To Christmas" sales. This was before that day had been dubbed "Black Friday" by the world at large.

Remember in the movie Christmas Story how the department store and town was decorated? That was what these stores were like. An overabundance of lights, holly, ribbons and shiny silver stuff. There was also a Santa Claus in EVERY store, not just one store. Some stores had both Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. We even went to one store that had a rather buxom woman dressed as Santa with a beard. My theory is the guy who was supposed to be Santa called in sick that day and the stores owner said "Quick, Paula, put on the Santa outfit! Let's hope the kids don't notice your boobs."

I wasn't just a simple, but flashy visit to Santa Claus. THEY GAVE AWAY STUFF! Christmas coloring books, chocolate Santa Claus, marshmallow snowmen, Christmas comic books, candy canes (which I don't like), Rudolph clickers, giant jingle bells, Christmas cookies and gingerbread men were given away at the various stores.

After that, I had to come home to Lebanon, where there were some decorations on the street lights and in some store windows. There may have been a Santa at Kmart and Wal-Mart, but nowhere else.  Frankly, there wasn't much to excite a kid about Christmas in Lebanon.

Found this on Tumblr. A Christmas ad for a store in Lebanon, MO.

I should add that it wasn't always that way. When I was a small child, one of the banks had an animated display with elves making toys and a snowman that would melt and then pop back up. Another store had a teddy bear in a sled that went back and forth in the store window. Then in the mid-70s, they stop putting these animated scenes in the windows. Supposedly, they broke down and were too expensive to fix... or so they said. Probably, some cranky, redneck parent didn't like that their kids want to go look at these displays every time that came to town, went to city council and asked that there be an ordinance against Christmas being fun in Lebanon.

At the place my father worked, they had a lighted Nativity scene in the window of the lobby, that you could see from the street. They quit putting the nativity scene up because of complaints. Now, before the soldiers in the "war on Christmas" start loading their guns, let me explain that the reason some old people (a group of veterans, I believe) in town said they were frightened by the three wise men because they "looked Arab."  At least, they replaced the Nativity scene with cool Willie Wirehand statue in a Santa Claus hat.

There was also a huge wooden Nativity scene along I-44 in Lebanon. The last few times that I remember it being erected, the wind blew part of it over and it wasn't taken down until about June. Supposedly, it was "too much trouble to maintain." When I hear people say things like this, I realize that this is where cartoonist got the stereotype of Ozarkers being shoeless guys with Duck Dynasty beards, laying on a hillside, sleeping next to a big jug of moonshine. 

I will say that Lebanon STILL has one of the biggest and best Christmas parades in the area, second or maybe tied with Branson's nighttime, lighted Christmas parade. So I'm not totally saying Lebanon or other communities don't do anything fun at Christmas, but they just don't seem to make it fun for kids.    

Every time I bring this up, someone says "We don't do that stuff any more." Yet when you bring up something that needs to be changed in the Ozarks, people will get defensive and say "We've always done things that way and we will continue to do it that way." So what is the difference. Simple, what I'm talking about appeals to children's joy and happiness. I've pointed out this out before, but in Ozarks children are fourth class citizens behind senior citizens, middle-aged adults and pets/livestock.

A good example of this mentality is the women, who were complaining about band girls wearing "Santa's little helper outfits," complained when another TV station's Facebook site listed a schedule for the children's Christmas specials, that we all grew up loving (Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown & the Grinch), were going to be on.

One year there was a group of protesters at the Battlefield Mall, wearing t-shirts with a red slash across a picture of Santa Claus. Personally, I think there is no lower form of life on this planet than a person who hates Santa Claus.

These people are taking the fun out of Christmas by turning it into some right-wing-talk-radio-political-crusade. This people would deny your child the enjoyment of Rudolph or Charlie Brown, just so they can please Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck. I'm sure they would rather their children watch Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck than Rudolph or Charlie Brown, because Ozarkers believe you shouldn't let childhood innocence get in the way of their right-wing agenda.

As for the decorations, fix them or buy new ones. How hard is that problem to solve? Put out some effort to make Christmas time special for future customers. Many of the business that were in Lebanon, when I was a child, no longer exist. Perhaps if they had put out some of the effort, like the stores in Oklahoma did, they would still be around. Who knows.

Here is an idea. Let's have fun and joy this Christmas, whether it is with we visit a department store Santa, make a Styrofoam snowman, bake gingerbread men, read The Night Before Christmas, buy toys for needy children, buy lots of toys for your own children, cruise the suburbs looking at the lights on houses, put up light on your own house, watch Christmas cartoons and movies (I have to watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the MST3K episode with the 1950s Mexican film Santa Claus every year), listen to Christmas record (download my Christmas music podcast), or watch girls in "Santa's Little Helper" outfits dance. The point is have fun and be nice to your fellow human beings.

Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

         

Saturday, May 16, 2015

I'M ASHAMED I WATCHED THE DUKES OF HAZZARD


We've all done it. We watched a TV show we enjoyed as a child or teenager after we became an adult and thought, "Why did I like this as a kid? This is horrible." For me that TV show is The Dukes of Hazzard.


You have to understand that this was the era when most people only received four networks. You also didn't have a VCR or DVD player or PC to stream movies. The Dukes of Hazzard was also THE TV SHOW to watch among the sixth graders in Lebanon, Missouri. If you weren't watching The Dukes of Hazzard, you would be considered a worthless, piece of human garbage. Many of my former classmates are constantly posting and re-posting a meme on Facebook, which asserts that people who watched The Dukes of Hazzard and Hee Haw as kids are superior to others. I don't think there is any scientific facts to back this belief up.

Watching the show now on DVD or in reruns, it becomes obvious that after the first season, they basically did the same script over and over. As a matter of fact, most of the cast nearly quit between season four and five over this. This was part of the reason Tom Wopat and John Schneider walked off the show. According to a TV Guide article (Dec. 25 -31 1982), everyone else on the show wanted out.

Now, with that aside, the reason I can't stand watching the The Dukes of Hazzard now: The use of the phrase "good ole boys."  Bo and Luke, in the theme song by Waylon Jennings, are referred to as "good ole boys." At the time this show aired, when I was in sixth grade, I took it the "good ole boys" actually meant "a force of good in the universe" (my comic book geekiness showing).

After becoming an adult and getting out in the "real world," I noticed the term "good ole boy" used not for people doing good, but for people like Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane. To be honest, Boss Hogg and Roscoe are Presidential Medal of Honor Winners compared to many of the "good ole boys" I've met and had to deal with in my adult life.

The phrase "good ole boy" tends to be a euphemism or secret code word for "my loud-mouthed, sleazy, unethical, racist, sexist, homophobic, smelly, alcoholic, redneck friend, that abuses his wife and kids, but I like better him than you." Every business or work place in this part of the country has, at least, one of these type of individuals under their roof.

This "good ole boy" doesn't have a college degree and just barely has a high school diploma, but somehow has ascended to a cushy management position and receives a huge paycheck. Of course, the reason is this guy kisses the butt of the boss by doing the dirty work he wants done. Usually, he is the cousin, brother-in-law, or high school drinking buddy of the boss. This guy usually bullies everyone, talks dirty to female employees, repeats dumb stuff he heard on talk radio (or sings along with a country radio station), brings Jim Beam in his thermos, reads back issues of Guns & Ammo and spits his tobacco juice in every adjacent waste basket, while everyone else does the hard work.

However, if the boss wants the tires of the employees trying to unionize slashed or a competitor's business burned to the ground or needs someone to stalk the nerdy boy sending flowers to his hot, smoking daughter, the "good ole boy" is ready to earn that paycheck he receives that is bigger than the other employees. He also is quick to run and tattle to the boss on the employees breaking a stupid company policy or talking about how they think he is a crooked tyrant. Of course, if you question this guy's unethical and downright bad behavior, you will get the response, "But he is a good ole boy." That absolves this guy of any wrong doing in the eyes of his small community.

The bad part about these "good ole boys" is that in many small communities they get elected to city council, county commission or the school board, where they usually vote against anything that would be good for the community. They always say they want to keep the community "just like Mayberry," but what they real want is for it to be just like Hazzard County. Sad part some of them go on to the state legislature and then...well, this explains most of the makeup of our current U.S. Congress. Yes folks, Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane are running Washington, D.C. As Waylon Jennings would say, in his narration of the show, "Folks, this don't look good."

Maybe this version of the "good ole boy" is only a phenomenon of southwest Missouri, but I some how feel that it isn't the case. Every small community has a group of  "good ole boys" that do horrible things, but people just slaps them on the back and laugh about it.

After reading this, some will say, "So, Desdinova, are you saying that we shouldn't watch reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard. No, I'm just saying I don't enjoy it because of my experience with the "good ole boy" mentality.


However, there is one thing that I like about this show that I wish would become a common practice. I wish more women would wear pantyhose with their shorts like Daisy did. NOW THAT IS A GOOD THING! Of course, these opinions are why I'm considered the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE END

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

PHOTOS OF THE ROCKETTES AND SEXY SANTA'S HELPERS TO OFFEND OZARKERS

I can honestly say that one of the best shows I ever saw in Branson, Missouri was the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes Christmas show. Sadly, it was only in Branson one year. This year in the Springfield, Missouri Christmas parade, there were some high school or college girls dressed in the "Santa's Helper" outfits, like the Rockettes were in their show. KYTV's Facebook page featured the photo (which is probably on the KY3 website if you can find it). You should have seen the stupid comments under it from a group of women who were offended by these young ladies' outfits. These were probably the same goofy women who were badmouthing some of the cherished TV specials of the holiday season such as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

So, being the mischievous blogger that I am, I present you some photos of the Rockettes in their Santa's Helper outfits and some other young ladies dressed the same way. If you like these kid of holiday shenanigans, check out these two post on Flashbak, from Yeoman Lowbrow.

















Saturday, July 5, 2014

HAPPY FIFTH OF JULY!

Sorry I wasn't around to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July, so instead I'll wish everyone a Happy 5th of July.

The play, Fifth of July, takes place in Lebanon, Missouri. It was written by Lebanon native Lanford Wilson. One of his uncles lived next door to my grandparents. When the play began its initial run on Broadway, the star was Christopher Reeve. However, people in Lebanon, will never mention Christopher Reeve when they talk about this play. They will refer to it as "the one John Boy was in." This always made me mad as a kid because you know I like superheroes more than I do The Waltons.

This is why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I LIKED NEW COKE AND I'M PROUD OF IT!

I hate knee-jerk reactions because "somebody-didn't-like-it." The worst example of this happened twenty-eight years ago this week (July 10, 1985). After introducing a new and improved Coke in April of 1985, they decided to create Coca-Cola Classic, which was the same flavor it had always been to appease the stick in the mud types that were whining and complaining about the change.

If you believe marketing, business and even some 80s retro blogs legend of this blip in pop culture history, you are inclined to believe that the whole country hated New Coke from the minute it appeared on the market and it quickly disappeared from store shelves in favor of Coca-Cola Classic. To an extent, I thought that was true myself, except for one detail...I preferred New Coke to Coca-Cola Classic. Personally, my heart belongs to Pepsi, because I always thought Coke had a sour taste to it. However, I like soda of any kind, so when push comes to shove I will drink Coke. I love soda so much I can drink whatever is available at that moment. Does that make me ambidextrous?  Needless to say,  I was kind of disappointed when the New Coke, that I loved, was yanked from the market in favor of Coca-Cola Classic, which I didn't care for.

Of course, in typical fashion, every time I said I liked the New Coke, I got ripped a new anus by classmates and adults in Lebanon, Mo. 

In researching New Coke, I learned something I that we are never told in the popular version of this story. New Coke was a success in major markets and on both coast. There was an overwhelming positive response in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle.

The backlash came from (You guest it) the South and Midwest. Before Coca-Cola Classic was rolled out, there were stories of hording of "old" Coke, in the same way people in these same parts of the country have been hording Twinkies, guns and ammunition in recent years. I'm sure somewhere there is news video of a redneck saying, "Coke is an in-steetoooshun in Murica. Thee Foundin Fathers say'd in the Con-steetooshun that ya ain't suppoz'd to change Coke. The Bible saize ya suppoz'd to change Coke. It is un-Murican to change Coke."

Another thing I found out, New Coke was not officially discontinued until 1998. At one point in the early 90s, it was sold in the areas where it was popular under the name Coke 2. I'm sure some Republican idiot in the Missouri legislature made a law against the sale of it here in Missouri (Remember that in the late 80s, some in the Missouri legislature want to make it illegal for teenagers to buy tapes and CDs).

The way I see it, President Ronald Reagan should have declared Marshall Law in Georgia (Headquarters of Coca-Cola), Texas (You know my feelings about Texans) and the other states where there was a huge amount of public outcry against the New Coke. He should have said, "Look, you stupid hillbillies are going to drink the New Coke, if I have to order federal troops to hold your nose and pour it down your throat." Sadly, he didn't.

I guess there are several things about this moment of pop culture that bothers me. The people who complain about political correctness ruining America are the very ones who were responsible for Coca-Cola backing down and celebrate it as a great thing. You have to wonder about people, who feel no shame in their racism, antisemitism, homophobia and even hatred of children and teens. They also get angry if a talk radio show host or public figure is forced to apologize for saying something that is racist, antisemitic or homophobic, yet those same people will demand an apology over something like changing the taste of a soda or a TV news station reporting on gay or African-American people or a new movie version of The Lone Ranger (Which I liked and highly recommend).

I also think that if something is successful in major markets on the East and West Coast, then middle America and Dixie should be FORCED TO LIKE IT TOO. I hate the "We ain't gonna allow none of that here in the Ozarks" attitude. It is just as bad in other states in the Mid-West and the South. Besides the mid-West and the South has the WORST TASTE IN POP CULTURE!

I believe Coca-Cola made a big mistake caving in to pressure and set an unhealthy precedent. Of course, my opinions are the reason why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

     

Sunday, June 30, 2013

FRUSTRATIONS OF A SUPERHERO FAN IN THE OZARKS

Before I begin this post, I want to point you in the direction of two great post on other retro blogs. Plaid Stallions has a podcast about being a young superhero fan in the 70s. Also, Retrospace has a great post about The Incredible Hulk TV series of the late 70s/early 80s.

The Plaid Stallions podcast brought back some memories for me, both good and bad. One point they make is, for must of the early to mid 70s, live-action and animated superheroes in movies and TV was few and far between. Today, we have two or three superhero movies released each summer, but until the late 70s you didn't get any superhero movies. Even after the success of Superman the Movie and the Incredible Hulk TV show, there wasn't very much produced in that vain.

There was older stuff that you read about in an article in Starlog, TV Guide or some other magazine, but there wasn't home video and you were at the mercy of local TV or the networks. This was also at a time where cable systems stopped at the city limits.

I was (and still am) a hard core superhero fan, which has made me a pariah here in the Ozarks. From the time I was about six or seven, adults told me that "superheroes are not real." Other kids (also about six or seven) would tell me "superheroes are for babies," they told me they were dating, which explains why they married early and now are bitter adults post that "kids-today-are-stupid" crap on Facebook.

In many areas of the country, children came home from school to watch reruns of Batman, The Adventures of Superman, Tarzan, or possibly, the Japanese superhero TV show, Ultraman. We had none of that here in the Ozarks. The closest TV market for Batman in this area was Joplin (Okay, I realize some syndication contracts at that time were written so there were non-compete clauses - so maybe Joplin conflicted with Springfield).

If we got a superhero TV show or cartoon on local TV, it was for a brief time. When I was in the second grade, KYTV began running The Lone Ranger series everyday at 4 p.m. Not sure how long they ran it, but I watched it every afternoon.      


At some point, while I was in fourth grade, KOLR began showing the 60s Spider-Man cartoons, but his too was brief.




The only superhero that was on Springfield TV on a very regular basis was Underdog, which was a on-again-off-again afternoon staple on KOLR for many years. Occasionally, Young Sampson would turn up during the summer.

Also, channel 27 (Then known as KMTC) would air The Mighty Hercules at 6 a.m on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

While I mentioned The Lone Ranger (Calling him a superhero might be debatable), I skipped some of the sci-fi shows like Star Trek, Six Million Dollar Man and Buck Rogers, since I wanted to focus on the concept of the superhero ideal not fitting into the Ozarks' mentality.

Some would say, "Why complain about this? You saw them at some point. Get over it!" I wouldn't be as upset if there had been more variety in the mix, but you must understand that M*A*S*H has played on local TV in Springfield since it entered syndication in 1979 and Little House On the Prairie was shown several years in this market from the time it entered syndication. I should also note that these shows were still in production and airing on network television when they turned up in reruns on Springfield TV stations.  

One of the common things I heard growing up and even after I got involved in the media was that "older people don't like that stuff." Does everything in Springfield and the Ozarks have to be approved by old people? I assume old people like infomercials and those bad shows where a white judge yells at a young African-American guy about being "irresponsible." I'm sure in the future we can look forward to reruns of Duck Dynasty.

After growing up and working among people in the Springfield and Ozarks, I realized why so many in this area frown on superheroes. The superhero believes in helping the weak and oppressed for free. Consider the Lone Ranger's creed, which features the passages:
"That all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world." 
"That men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number."
Neither of these would be uttered by any of my classmates from Lebanon High School or any Springfield businessman. In a Lone Ranger episode entitled "The Law Lady," the Lone Ranger tells Tonto that Wyoming recently passed a law granting women the right to vote. Tonto says that he thinks that is a good idea. "It is a good idea, Tonto. Someday every woman in the Untied States will have that right," the Lone Ranger states. Of course, some local talk radio show host of the past said that only wealthy male land owners should be allowed to vote. I'm going to side with the Lone Ranger on this subject. I was shocked to see on You Tube some comments under some of the Lone Ranger episodes that people think the Lone Ranger killed and even lynched "troublemakers." If you go back to the origin story, the Lone Ranger tells Tonto he will not kill anyone. In several episodes, the Lone Ranger and Tonto stop lynchings, because everyone deserves a fair trial. I think these people commenting on You Tube (Mainly bigots comment on You Tube) are thinking of another group of masked riders...the Klu Klux Klan.

I guess Ozarkers would accept superheroes if they were more like business people and talk radio host. If someone was to create a superhero, who charged an exorbinant fee for his services, only helped white, wealthy, Republican heterosexuals and frequently lectured young people, while dressed in bib overalls, a John Deer cap and a Confederate flag for a cape, then Ozarkers would support the idea of a superhero.

I feel that my love of superheroes has made me the person I am today. I also have never been arrested or had a brush with the law of any kind. I believe in equality, fairness and helping others. Of course, that is why I'm considered the SUPER-VILLAIN of the Ozarks!!! mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 


Saturday, April 13, 2013

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A OLD LADY

With the passing of Jonathan Winters, I thought of something he said in an interview in the PBS documentary Make Me Laugh. He was talking about the character of Maude Frickert (above). He mentioned that when he was dressed as Maude Frickert, he could get away with saying just about anything.


Also in the documentary, Whoopie Goldberg discusses how she was doing an imitation of African-American comedian Moms Mabley (above) on Saturday Night Live and one of the jokes was cut from the show by Standards and Practices as being obscene, even though she had remembered Mabley doing the same joke on The Flip Wilson Show in the early 70s. Both Winters and Goldberg attributed this to the fact that Maude Frickert and Moms Mabely were perceived "harmless" old ladies.

Hind sight 20/20, if I had known that back when I started the original blog, I would not have chosen the persona of a comic book/movie serial, megalomaniac super-villain (with a crush of Paris Hilton) to do my controversial blogging on current topics. Ozarkers for some reason feared Desdinova, as if there really was a megalomaniac plotting to take over America from his hide out under Park Central Square. I have been told that some people actually called Springfield Police to ask why they hadn't attempted to arrest me before I banned talk radio with the aid of my giant robot and my raygun that turned people "gay."
 
Instead I should have been an old lady with salty opinions on current events and local media personalities. I probably could have named her after my own grandma and called her Grandma Jones (Because there are probably millions of Grandma Jones in the world). To add to what Jonathan Winters and Whoopie Goldberg theorized about Maude Frickert and Moms Mabley, Ozarkers tend to worship old people and believe they are smarter than most highly educated people. So I could have got away with saying things like, "My third husband used to spout off crazy opinions like KSGF's Vincent David Jericho, but I found the perfect thing to stop that - I gave him poison" or "That Billy Long is such a big ignoramus. Someone ought to rip his Fruit of the Looms off, while he is STILL WEARING THEM!" or "Did you ever notice the people who hate rap and hip hop are the same morons who like Hank Williams Jr and that Chicken Fried song" or "I don't know why folks around here don't like Honey Boo Boo, she got those cute little dimples. They tell me they prefer to watch Duck Dynasty. I'll be those stupid guys on that show are covered in tick and chiggers."

People would have just said "That old lady is funny. We ought to have her over for dinner Sunday after church."

Then again, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  

Saturday, April 6, 2013

TO BE LEGITIMATE

I should have done this a long time ago during the heyday of the original blog, but I didn't think it would be important (I really never think anything is important in the grand scheme of the universe).

I have created a Mission Statement and Rules for Comments on my blog. I've been disgusted by comments I have seen left on You Tube and the local media Facebook sites as well as their public forums.

I wanted to also put down in writing what I want people to take away from this site and what I didn't want on it. I wanted to teach people to respect and enjoy pop culture as I do.

For the average person, who finds this site through Google, Yahoo or another search engine, this will not be a major concern. However, there are still flames of animosity smoldering from the days of the old blog here in Springfield (and Lebanon too), MO. There are also people in both communities who feel they should be able to use every forum on the Web to expose their obnoxious opinions. These people don't see this as a fun blog, but a threat to "the quality of life in the Ozarks" or "American family values." These people can post their hate, bigotry and hate speech on other forums here in the Ozarks all they want, but not here. I will keep their opinions off. That goes for people who hang around other websites like You Tube posting the same kind of garbage.

This is not to discourage posting but to cover myself in case any of our local activist type want to take me to court for hindering their free speech.

Of course, doing something, like this, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Friday, January 25, 2013

OZARKERS HAVE PUT UP WITH ME FOR 6 YEARS NOW

Yes, it has been six years since started the old blog. We were suffering through an ice storm at the time. I commented on current events in my own satirical manner. After all, I grew up watching people like Bob Hope, Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Mark Russell, The Smothers Brothers and the various stars of Laugh-In and  Saturday Night Live make jokes about current events, why couldn't I. I also created a persona of a crazy mad scientist/super-villain. I used every cliched phrase used by super-villains and mad scientist in comic books, movie serials and Saturday morning cartoons. I thought it was funny. Apparently, most Ozarkers didn't watch the same cartoons I did. THEY REALLY BELIEVED I WAS SOME SORT OF TERRORIST PLANING TO TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY!

One of the reasons I stopped allowing comments on the old blog was because of the stupid comments from people who obviously didn't get the joke. The bad part is that many of these people would leave their full names. I really didn't want them to be embarrassed. I would say something like "Soon I make myself emperor of America! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The next day someone would leave a long explanation of why the Constitution wouldn't allow me to be the emperor. Once I said I was going to "Rule the world" and that "every knee will bow to Desdinova!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The next day I had at least two different post from people saying, "I will only bow to the Lord Jesus Christ." That made me feel like dirt. Another post from a guy named Carl said, "As long as I got me a gun I won't be bowing to you. Stupid Lefty!" Comments like these were very bad for my self esteem.

There was also a person at my work, who asked if I could go back to allowing comments, so he could debate me. I said no, "Do you really think it is going to make you look intelligent debating a guy, who calls himself a super-villain and mad scientist, claims to live under Park Central Square and claims to have a giant robot and a death ray?" It made this guy mad, BUT HONESTLY!


The funny thing is, THE SECOND POST I MADE EXPLAINED THE CONCEPT TO PEOPLE!!! Here is what I posted:
"Maybe I should have posted this first. I feel that in this day of silly disclaimers ('Please do not put child in dish washer' or 'Toilet seat should not be used as a flotation device') I should have one too. There are some very litigious individuals out in our world.I am not a real super-villain. I don’t really have a death ray or the ability to throw balls of lightning. I’m not trying to take over the world and enslave people. So don't report me to Homeland Security or Springfield PD. You'd end up looking like an idiot.

I’m just a regular guy with an off beat sense of humor, off beat taste in music and (according to some) off beat political views. I’m really a nice guy if you know me. Very little of what you should read here should be taken seriously. I just like to make jokes about things going on and the folly of others. It is like Oscar Wilde said, "Life is too important to be taken seriously." Ozarks tend to be upset about the wrong things. A few years back a Southern Baptist minister came to the community I grew up. He worked to get the local cable company to drop MTV, tried to get the local newspaper cartoonist fired over a cartoon showing the Southern Baptist lynching Mickey Mouse, and trying to keep grocery stores and restaurants from selling liquor. While all of this was going on there were several unsolved murders, spouse and child abuse increased, hate groups and meth dealers moved in. Eventually people woke up and said, "What happened to our community?" Well, they ignored the real problems while getting upset about things that really didn’t matter.
Getting mad at me won’t do any good. Making a fuss over something I said would be silly, because I’m just being silly myself. Just relax, read and enjoy.
As Red Skelton used to say, "It’s a lot of fun to try and make people laugh because regardless of what your heartache might have been, while laughing for a few seconds you have forgotten about it. I personally believe that each and every one of us put here for a purpose and that is to build and not to destroy. And if by chance someday you’re not feeling well, you should remember some silly little thing that I’ve said or done and it brings back a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled." (Aren't you glad I didn't quote that highly overrated record he made about the Pledge of Allegiance)." 

WHAT PART OF THAT DID OZARKERS NOT UNDERSTAND??? I have it on good authority that several people called Springfield PD and ask why they were not conducting an investigation into who I was. In another instance, a frantic woman called Springfield PD after reading this post and asked if they were "going to stop Desdinova's robot from stomping on her house." Instead of calling the police, she should have celebrated Kwanzaa (BTW-The robot in the picture is only 6 inches tall. I gave it to my 2 year old great-nephew. He calls it a wo-bot).

You see, my anonymity was a major issue with my critics. I'm not sure what the big deal was. Now that I'm a retro blogger, it is not an issue, because most retro bloggers don't use their real name. I will admit much of the controversy surrounding the old blog came from my making fun of and criticizing talk radio. Especially one former talk radio show host here in Springfield, MO. He made an issue of my existence on his radio show. He also had several fans who started blogs and THEY ALL HATED ME! I even had some co-workers, who liked that guy so much they wanted me fired because I made fun of him. Once he was fired from his job, the old blog was kind of like David Frye after President Nixon resigned or Yakov Smirnoff after the end of Communism. Soon those other blogs disappeared as well. After the demise of the Blog Net News, I had a hard time finding topics. There were a few blogs on that site that I poked fun at calling them "weenie blogs," because they were mainly conservative or libertarian bloggers who seemed to be whining and crying after the 2008 presidential election (Although "weenie" came from the cartoon I posted on the original post - a double entendre).
    
The old blog proved one thing to me: OZARKERS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE OF HUMOR! Besides the people who I were told called the Springfield police about me, you wouldn't believe some of the dumb reactions from the "weenie blogs" over some of my post. One person started a blog a week after mine. This person was upset because in my profile I said that I wanted to "outlaw talk radio and country music." Whoever this would be blogger was only had about three post after that and never posted again. I think most extreme was a blogger here is Springfield, who was so upset that I said Paris Hilton was better looking than Sarah Pailin, that they wrote a post condemning me for that remark that, when I printed it off of my computer, was 30 pages long. GET A LIFE, BUSTER!!! If find it interesting that these bloggers, who hated me so bad that they called me "hateful,""traitor," "unpleasant" and "coward" cannot be found anymore. Most of their "weenie blogs" are gone. Oh, and who can forget the obsessive Dark Knight fan, who said I was "suffering from being a douchebag." 

I'm actually glad I switched to being a retro blog. I don't feel rushed to comment on anything and I get to take time to post about things I want to post about. Feedback can be slow coming, but this time the feedback has been all positive. No death threats.

Even though I stopped updating the old blog on a regular basis, I have left it up for all to see, with the exception of a few post that I removed because they were irrelevant. Last year, I received some positive feedback on something I posted on the old blog in September of 2009. I'm always amazed a how some post are up for along time before I get a response. I was contacted through my Facebook site about a post entitled "THE LEGEND OF SHEBA THE BELLY DANCER." This unusual and rather sad story from Springfield, Missouri's history would make one Hell of a movie. I was contacted by the daughter of "Sheba the Belly Dancer" (That was her stage name. I chose to respect the family's privacy and not mention her real name). She was small when the events took place and didn't understand what exactly happened that lead to her mother's death. She praised my post for filling in the details. She thanked me for showing interest in her mother's story. I guess the original blog served a good purpose even though most of Springfield and the Ozarks hated it.

And that is why I'm still the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BTW: More people have found the original blog just searching for the "ugly hillbilly boys" photo than they have searching for a particular topic. So why not put it on this blog.
    

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

WHY I STOPPED TALKING ABOUT POLITICS AND CURRENT NEWS

Someone sent me an e-mail asking why I wasn't posting anything about politics. Andy Cline of Rhetorica once said I wrote some of the best satire of anyone. He was one of the few who liked it.
Not only were there many people in the Ozarks who didn't like it. I received many death threats, mainly from an idiot at Mansfield, Mo. The main problem was some people in the local media, including co-workers, who didn't like it. They felt I made fun of the wrong people or things. I've been told I've been blacklisted by at least one of the radio clusters here in Springfield (Clear Channel). The co-workers who didn't like my opinions went to management and tried to get me fired.
I should note that I'm not angry about the state of the country like I was when I first started the old blog, however, I am not happy with the state of the Ozarks. I may never be. I've hated the Ozarks since I was in elementary school.
I have figured out that nothing makes Ozarkers more upset than someone having fun, being entertained and not griping about politics. So that is what I am doing with my current blog. I'm entertaining people.  I'm much happier and I'm having fun. The response is much slower but has always been very positive. That is what I like.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

WHY BEING A MONSTER KID IN THE OZARKS IS HELL

I'm proud to say I was a monster kid and I STILL AM. As a kid, I read Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine and the first record I owned was Monster Mash (It was a bad Peter Pan version, but the cover art was great) and one of my favorite toys was a Colorforms Castle Dracula playset. I wanted to say that because in the Ozarks, being a monster kid is considered a bad thing. In the Ozarks, a "good person" starts off being a St. Louis Cardinals fan at a young age, then grows up to become a Republican. I, of course, had to be different and start off a monster kid and grow up to be a Democrat. I'm a "bad person." Most Ozarkers believe that monster kids grow up to be serial killers.

Admittedly, things were actually better for monster kids when I was younger. Locally, KMTC (Channel 27) ran old horror films til dawn on Friday and Saturday night. Off and on they were hosted by a host named Dr. Dead (The actor who played Dr. Dead was later Sammy B. Goode on KSPR in the 80s). Also, at this time, CBS Late Movie featured many great horror movies.

In 1988, I had the pleasure of working on The Late Night Horror Show with Count Norlock at KSPR (that is a picture of one of the promotional materials above). Sadly, it only lasted one summer. I'm very proud of my work on this TV show, yet I have been in job interviews with local companies and they have insulted me over having this on my resume.

I tried for most of the 90s to try to interest the local TV stations in doing a horror movie show with myself as the host. I was treated with distain and verbal abuse to just the old excuse of "Ozarkers/advertisers don't like that sort of thing."

As far as over-the-air broadcasting goes, there has only been one attempt to do a show of this kind since Count Norlock. I can't remember what it was called, but it was hosted by Kevin and Liz from the Alice 95.5 Morning Show. There is a show on Mediacom public access, The New Uncle Gregory Horror Hour, that can also be viewed on the Internet at the show's website.

As I mentioned, the local media doesn't want to produce a horror movie show. All I can gather on the reason for this attitude is that some of the local ad agencies didn't like the Late Night Horror Show with Count Norlock and they are probably the one who have cultivated this animosity toward the Count Norlock show, people associated with it and horror movie shows in general (I want to note that one of the directors/producers on the Count Norlock show was Joe Bauer, who was responsible for the visual effects on Elf, Get Smart and Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer).

To make things even more frustrating, you can't even find a good horror film on local late night TV. All you can find on local TV late at night is this douchebag:

This guy is usually on every channel when I come home late from work. His name is Dean Graziosi and he is the star of the worst made infomercials ever made (Looks like he just points the camera at himself, turns it on and starts talking). He tells people they can make millions in real estate and he will show you how. He is really a scam artist. Why is he on local TV? Because he pays to be on TV.  The same with TriVita and its Nopela, a concoction from cactus berries that makes women cry on camera (At least that is what I got out of the infomercial). TriVita is referred to a Multi-Level Marketing by its sycophantic minions. This is a politically correct term for pyramid scheme. They pay to be on-air so they can rip desperate people off.

The Ozarks Correctness (as opposed to being politically correct which is based in logic-Ozarks Correctness isn't) mongers will tell you this is a good thing.  They will say horror films are evil and children shouldn't stay up late watching them on TV. Also, a redneck told us that he thought horror movie shows are stupid and we always take the opinion of rednecks over someone with a Bachelor of Science in electronic media. They will also tell you that real estate people are better than everyone else and we should worship them, because they make tons of money. They will also tell you that a pyramid scheme shouldn't be illegal because the only people, who think it is a scam are the people who don't work hard enough to be successful at it. They will also say business people shouldn't have to answer to the government or law enforcement. Also, the only people who should have access to local TV and radio are the people who can pay to be on-the-air.

And then, they will say that business people don't want to advertise on horror movies and that adults don't like horror movies. These the same reason the local radio stations won't play Halloween music like they do Christmas music (Since Halloween is over, I'm sure KGBX will start their usual wall-to-wall Christmas music puke-fest. I can make fun of this since I've been banned from working for the local Clear Channel/Bain Capital cluster).

I HATE ADULTS - I'M ASHAMED TO BE ONE!

Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


    
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